Particle Analysis
by Verboten Byacolate
Summary: No.4.. Jashin apparently prefers demonic squirrels to Hidan. Deidara actually expected it. :HiDei drabbles
1. Coordination

**Coordination**

Hidan had always suspected that something about Deidara was amiss.

He was always just too cool, too calm, and when he wasn't, he completely turned the world upside down until it was the way he wanted it. He was good looking, charming, and both adorable and intimidating when he wanted to be. He was an artsy type, and he had skill in his field.

He could fly. He had a makeshift Sharingan. He had the best damn cuticles on a guy Hidan had ever seen.

He was perfect. Too perfect.

So when Hidan had made himself comfortable at the Akatsuki HQ for another rundown from the Leader (early than anyone else, because he had nothing better to do), he witnessed what probably no one else had seen before.

His holographic form watched in awe as the clay master walked into the semi-darkened room, and tripped over his feet, running face-first into the wall.


	2. pt1 Killer Bees

_A/N;_ I failed to mention this on the first drabble: this collection is inspired by memorable moments spent with my lover, _**Deibby**_. Coming up is a trilogy of crack that we came up with while walking aroung Lake Clarence (yes, yes, I gave the rights for LC to **_Deibby_** since I got to name it) last Saturday. Just remember this the next time you cheat with that darn Uchiha that _I_ was the one who wrote a drabble collection for you. -sniffle-

- . -

**Pt. 1: Killer Bees**

Deidara could swear on his life that Hidan provoked them.

This was all he could think when he was watching the religious fanatic make a mad dash for his life away from a swarm of angry, black, buzzing demons that must have just immigrated from the deepest pits of Hell.

"HIDAN, YOU RETARD!!" the clay user cried jovially to the other man ran for his life. He couldn't help but double over laughing, falling on his ass and giggling like a little girl. "YOU DON'T POKE THEIR NEST, GENIUS!" he chided to Hidan, who gave him a rude hand gesture in return. Chortling, Deidara glanced to his left to see if they were attracting any attention.

They were.

Standing beside the pile of debris that had been a tree before Deidara had completely destroyed it was a group of very pissy-looking squirrels that happened to be looking _straight at him_.

Deidara blinked.

"Oh... fuck."


	3. Delayed Reaction

_A/N_: Inspired by a tiny comic I doodled one day in English class. Written while listening to _Love You Madly_, by Cake.

**Delayed Reaction**

_Slap!_

Deidara was thrown two feet back, stumbling on his feet with the force of the blow. He stood, stunned, watching Hidan straighten from his stance after the sudden , unexpected attack.

The religious man smirked, and it took Deidara a full thirty seconds to let the information process...

"Y... you hit me with a fan?? WHAT THE FUCK, HIDAN!?!"

His silver-haired comrade chuckled, letting the fan flutter against his lips before snapping it shut and tapping it against Deidara's forehead.

"Not only are you uncoordinated, Deidara-chan, but you also have a _very_ delayed reaction."

--

**The end was provided by Deibby, my Deidara, who commented on this when I began it in school. Isn't she absolutely badical? XD**


	4. pt2 Killer Squirrels

**Pt. 2: Killer Squirrels**

It was as though he couldn't run fast enough.

Deidara huffed, dashing from the menacing squirrel army as fast as his legs could carry him, diving into the green foliage to possibly hide from the furry little terrors. Of course he couldn't really hide from the freaks in their own territory.

Hidan knew this. And that's why it was so freaking _hilarious_.

"HA!! Who's the retard NOW, huh?" he spurted through the water dripping down his face. "At least I was able to hide out in the water! Those fuckers eventually left! But you, my friend, are _screwed_!"

Deidara watched in horror as the squirrels slowly crept closer to him, their little tails furling and unfurling menacingly at him. They chattered demonically amongst one another, and Deidara suddenly realized what he could do to save his own ass.

"Hidan! These little shits are speaking in tongues!"

The zealot immediately stopped laughing. "… WHAT?!" He stood abruptly, sloshing water as he walked nearer. "You fuckers! You bastard fucks!" He picked up his scythe and began swinging at them. They leapt out of the way of his blades and bolted. "GET BACK HERE, HEATHENS! YOU SHITS AREN'T WORTHY OF THE SPIRIT OF JASHIN!!" Hidan trembled and fell to his knees. "Why, God? Why?!" He took a pike from his pocket and dug it into his abdomen. "Jashin-sama!! Why the squirrels?! Why not me!?"

Deidara slowly climbed out of the tree and approached the sobbing man.

"Calm down before some _other_ horrible, unexpected psychotic creature finds us, hmm."

With all of Hidan's sobbing, the two didn't catch the thunderous sound of padded feet coming through the nearby brush…


End file.
